In my own life, what I want to give to people, most importantly to people I love, is the power to deal with reality to get what they want. In pursuit of my goal to give them strength, I will often deny them what they “want” because that will give them the opportunity to struggle so that they can develop the strength to get what they want on their own. This can be difficult for people emotionally, even if they understand intellectually that having difficulties is the exercise they need to grow strong and that just giving them what they want will weaken them and ultimately lead to them needing more help.
在我自己的生活中，我想给予人们，最重要的是给予我所爱的人，是面对现实以获得他们想要的东西的能力。为了追求给他们力量的目标，我经常会拒绝他们“想要”的东西，因为这会给他们奋斗的机会，这样他们就可以发展力量，靠自己得到他们想要的东西。这对人们来说在情感上可能会很困难，即使他们在理智上明白，遇到困难是他们成长壮大所需的锻炼，而仅仅给他们想要的东西就会削弱他们并最终导致他们需要更多帮助。

Of course most people would prefer not to have weaknesses. Our upbringings and our experiences in the world have conditioned us to be embarrassed by our weaknesses and hide them. But people are happiest when they can be themselves. If you can be open with your weaknesses it will make you freer and will help you deal with them better. I urge you to not be embarrassed about your problems, recognizing that everyone has them. Bringing them to the surface will help you break your bad habits and develop good ones, and you will acquire real strengths and justifiable optimism.
当然，大多数人都不愿意有弱点。我们的成长经历和我们在这个世界上的经历使我们对自己的弱点感到尴尬并隐藏它们。但当人们能够做自己时，他们是最快乐的。如果你能坦白自己的弱点，它会让你更加自由，并帮助你更好地处理它们。我敦促你不要为自己的问题感到尴尬，因为每个人都会遇到这些问题。将它们暴露出来将帮助你改掉坏习惯并养成好习惯，你将获得真正的优势和合理的乐观情绪。

This evolutionary process of productive adaptation and ascent–the process of seeking, obtaining, and pursuing more and more ambitious goals–does not just pertain to how individuals and society move forward. It is equally relevant when dealing with setbacks, which are inevitable. At some point in your life you will crash in a big way. You might fail at your job or with your family, lose a loved one, suffer a serious accident or illness, or discover the life you imagined is out of reach forever. There are a whole host of ways that something will get you. At such times, you will be in pain and might think that you don’t have the strength to go on. You almost always do, however; your ultimate success will depend on you realizing that fact, even though it might not seem that way at the moment.
这种生产性适应和提升的进化过程——寻求、获得和追求越来越雄心勃勃的目标的过程——不仅仅涉及个人和社会如何前进。在处理不可避免的挫折时，这一点同样重要。在你生命中的某个时刻，你会遭遇严重的崩溃。你可能会在工作或家庭方面失败，失去亲人，遭受严重事故或疾病，或者发现你想象的生活永远遥不可及。有很多方法可以让你得到一些东西。这个时候你会很痛苦，可能会觉得自己没有力气走下去了。然而，你几乎总是这样做；你最终的成功将取决于你是否认识到这一事实，尽管目前看来并非如此。

This is why many people who have endured setbacks that seemed devastating at the time ended up as happy as (or even happier than) they originally were after they successfully adapted to them. The quality of your life will depend on the choices you make at those painful moments. The faster one appropriately adapts, the better. No matter what you want out of life, your ability to adapt and move quickly and efficiently through the process of personal evolution will determine your success and your happiness. If you do it well, you can change your psychological reaction to it so that what was painful can become something you crave.
这就是为什么许多人在经历了当时看似毁灭性的挫折后，在成功适应挫折后，最终却像原来一样快乐（甚至比原来更快乐）。你的生活质量将取决于你在那些痛苦时刻做出的选择。适当适应的速度越快越好。无论你想要从生活中得到什么，你在个人进化过程中快速有效地适应和行动的能力将决定你的成功和幸福。如果你做得好，你可以改变你的心理反应，让痛苦变成你渴望的东西。

source:https://www.principles.com/principles/ffa7930d-9dd4-4ded-8a36-c755baf53265/